


Solace

by Kiterie



Series: 100 themes [24]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-17
Updated: 2009-12-21
Packaged: 2017-11-27 13:24:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/662487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiterie/pseuds/Kiterie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes all we need is a little reassurance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Seeking Solace

"Why do you do this to yourself?" Izumo asked, leaning on the mission desk across from Iruka, Kotetsu beside with a nearly identical expression of confusion.

The brunet the question was directed at rubbed his eyes, an obvious attempt to clear them before his shift started. "I don't know. I keep... trying to let go and I just can't. He was my best friend, sometimes I was so sure I loved him and now I think sometimes that I hate him and that hurts more than anything," Iruka said, the scar on his nose twitching as he scrunched up his eyes and tried to make the tears stop.

"So stop going to see him, stop dragging yourself to see him if it hurts so much," Kotetsu said. The spikey-haired chunin frowned as he said, already certain the 'advice' would be ignored.

Iruka stared at the mission reports, picking one up as he began sorting them into piles. "Am I really as weak as he says..." The comment made absently, not even really a response.

Kakashi sighed, slid a hand through his hair and tucked his book away. He'd intended to pick up a quick mission but when he'd landed outside the window and overheard the conversation his plas had changed. Ducking inside as soundlessly as he'd landed, the jounin laid a hand on Iruka's shoulder and smiled at the room's only other occupants, the two chunin that his lover had been speaking too. "Iruka's coming with me, you two can cover for him and we'll forget about the favor you owe me."

"Kakashi, I'm fine really... I just need a minute," Iruka said, though his voice still shook and the protest sounded weak at best. It didn't matter however since a moment later they were both gone in a puff of smoke.

~

The landing was precise, Iruka sitting on the couch in place of his chair and Kakashi behind him. Sliding around to the front of the couch, Kakashi sat, then immediately slid an arm around Iruka and pulled him close. He didn't say anything just held him, brushed Iruka's hair back from his eyes, and waited.

The was a quiet sniffle as Iruka rubbed his eyes, tucked safely in his lover's arms. It was followed by a slightly shakey sigh that was breathed out almost reluctantly as tears slid silently over tanned cheeks. "Sometimes I think I deserved it."

The words were whispered, half-heartedly, and Kakashi said nothing only held Iruka a little tigher. They'd done this before and sometimes what Izumo and Kotetsu said simply didn't help and sometimes it did but Kakashi knew what Iruka needed when it didn't.

"When I'm standing there in front of him and he says I was never there for him, that I just didn't understand... I believe it," Iruka started again, his voice choking a little more with tears as he spoke. "I read the letters he sends and I think... was I really such a horrible person? Am I really so weak?" He sniffed again, the tears breaking the words up and making them unintelligble to anyone other than possibly Kakashi. "He wasn't even aiming for me, but he's right... I failed him and I failed Naruto..." Iruka tilted his head up and looked at Kakashi, tears streaming down his cheeks. "...and I deserved it."

Kakashi reached up and brushed the tears away, kissing each of Iruka's cheeks as he did. "You didn't fail Naruto, you're not weak, and no matter what Mizuki or _you_ believe you didn't deserve it."

Iruka's chest shuddered and the tears streamed down his cheeks. He twisted his head free of Kakashi's hand and buried his face against the man's shoulder for a long moment. "Thank you," he whispered finally, not lifting his head, it had been what he needed to hear and they both knew it.


	2. Can You Hear Me?

"Hello Mizu...ki," Iruka said sitting down on the chair beside the bed, _Mizu-kun_ a breath from his lips.

The white-haired man chained to the bed laughed, looking far older and nothing like the beautiful man he'd once been. "Aw... look at you try to disassociate yourself from me." He made a tsking sound and shook his head weakly. "Stop trying to fool yourself." Mizuki laughed again and rolled his eyes. "Though, you are rather good at that."

"You're right," Iruka said simply. "I didn't want to see who you'd become; I don't want to see it now, but I do see it." He laid a hand over Mizuki's, casting the man a somewhat surprised look when he didn't try to jerk it away.

"You always were too forgiving and that monster doesn't deserve it," Mizuki said coldly, eyes narrowing in obvious irritation. "Neither do I."

Iruka squeezed the hand he was holding, gently. "I'm sorry."  Tears slid down his cheeks and the chunin reached up with his free hand to brush them away. "Tsubaki and I should have seen something was wrong, we were your friends, we loved you... but we didn't see it when you changed and we should have. If we had maybe this all could have been avoided."

"You're both fools, and I'm not sorry," Mizuki growled. "That monster killed our families and you protected him..."

"I protected a _child_ , Mizuki; I followed my hokage's orders, and I did the right thing." Iruka pulled his hand away and reached up instead to brush hair out of Mizuki's eyes. "I'm sorry that hurts you, but you're wrong about Naruto; he didn't hurt anyone. What the ninetails did isn't his fault, and we were all wrong for blaming him."

"NO!" The man yanked at his restraints, half-hauling himself up before his strength left him and he fell back again. "It's his fault! He is the monster, just you wait, you'll see, you'll all see and then you'll wish you'd let me kill him!"

Iruka sighed and shook his head. "No, that won't happen. I believe in Naruto." He stood up, staring down at the other. "I'm still sorry, I wish I could have saved you, too."

"Do you hear me? You're pathetic, naive', and _weak_. You've always been so fucking easy to deceive, you couldn't have stopped me if I'd told you what I was planning let alone figured it out for yourself." Mizuki's face screwed up more and more as he spoke. "Why are you even here? Do you think these little visits of yours are going to 'redeem' me?"

"Maybe I thought that once. Maybe I believed if I could get you to see how wrong you were that you'd become who you were before." Iruka shook his head again, sadly. "I loved you, Mizuki, as much as Tsubaki did." He smiled at the surprised expression on the other's face. "So I really thought this would hurt more..." Iruka looked towards the door then back at Mizuki. "It took me a long time to get over you, to find somebody I could trust enough to love again. I've found him, though, and as much as he's been hurt, he isn't twisted up the way you are. He doesn't see me as weak or stupid and he doesn't see Naruto as a monster; he believes in him the same way I do." The chunin stepped away from the bed and turned towards the door. "Goodbye, Mizu-kun."

The prisoner screamed profanities at the young sensei's back, jerking on the restraints. Then, as Iruka opened the door, began pleading for him to stay, not to abandon him the way he had, begging for him to come back, and swearing if he left him alone he'd never forgive him.  The chunin paused at the door, then opened it and stepped through, closing it on the bargaining of the dying man.

"Are you okay?" Kakashi asked, sliding an arm around Iruka's waist casually.

Iruka smiled and while there was a definite sadness to it, there were no tears. "I think so." He stepped away, catching a gloved hand as he did, and headed for the door. "He can't hear me... he never could."

"I do," Kakashi said, squeezing the other's hand.

"I know." Iruka smiled. "That's why I was able to say goodbye."


End file.
